Hi, Jaki Sabourin here is your executive love coach and CEO. It’s tough for the person doing the dumping because you will experience a range of emotions like guilt, shame, anger, and sadness.
It’s regrettable when you realize that things are not working out. You have to end it, and I can tell you this that it’s better than being dumped, but it’s never easy breaking up with someone.
So I wanted to give you 30 suggestions to help you navigate this challenging situation. I am a firm believer, and you are moving on as soon as you have your truth that the relationship is over. You need to move on as quickly as possible because I don’t want you to waste your precious time.
So many women get bogged down in relationships that aren’t going anywhere. They can’t communicate with their partner, and they’re not happy.
They’re not being honored, not being heard, but they stay because they’re afraid they won’t meet anybody else, and I don’t recommend that you live your life this way. That’s why I created all these articles. I want to empower you to live your best life.
30 Best Tricks To Break Up With Your Boyfriend
I work with single people and couples to help them improve the relationship area of their life. I’m going to talk about how to break up with a guy, and there are some things to consider.
I’m going to be teaching you how to build a breakup with him. If the relationship is not working for you, keep reading now. Sometimes in life, we find ourselves in a relationship that’s not working for us, which could be for a million reasons.
But regardless of that reason, it can sometimes be hard to do the deed to break it off. That’s way too many people stay in bad relationships because they don’t know how to do it. Or they’re afraid to do it. So in this article, I’m going to teach you some simple steps you’ll want to follow if you are ready to break up with your boyfriend.
1. Determine Your Decision
Now, step number one is to determine whether or not breaking up is the solution. I want you to ask yourself. Are the core issues in this relationship fixable? If the answer is no, it’s not working. You can go ahead and initiate the breakup.
Most of the relationships break for silly reasons and ego. Our ego and anger make us wrong much time because our brains can not work correctly. So most of the time, we make the wrong decision and feel unhappy about the sudden breakup. Please think properly, be calm, and take some time to make the right decision.
2. Be Very Specific
I’m going to go ahead and ask yourself, ‘Have I sufficiently communicated these issues to this guy?’ If you have, of course, communicated those issues. Nothing has changed you. Keep sharing these issues. If he doesn’t change, you can move to step two. But if you haven’t communicated those core issues in the relationship, maybe it’s because you’re scared. Or you don’t know what he’s going to say.
You’re jumping the gun in breaking off the relationship. Maybe it’s not time to break up with him. I ask you to go ahead and sit down with him. Have a real conversation with him about some of your challenges in the relationship. Be very specific about these. Be specific about the solutions or your perceived solutions to some of those challenges. Now that you determine that breaking up is a solution.
3. Just Do It & Commit With It
You wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. So, why would you think he would like to be in a relationship with you. If you don’t want to be with him, respect him, and do it ASAP. Please do it in person if possible.
Also, when you do it, use the word breakup to abundantly clear what’s happening. Honestly, it’s like ripping off a band-aid and don’t mince your words.
Write down all the reasons why you are breaking up with this person. In the first place, breaking up with someone is hard, even if you’re the person doing it. Sometimes, a few weeks later the breakup, we forget why we did it in the first place.
We want to go crawling back to that person. Writing down why you are breaking up with this person acts as your reminder to push through that initial pain. Then you go through that loneliness and sadness. It reminds you why did you break up in the first place.
4. Stay Positive With Your Decision
The best way is for you to expect that he’s going to respond pretty strongly. Generally, I found that there will be one of two responses with a breakup. Either he’s going to want to try to win you back and try hard to convince. Remind you of all the right things, or he might even say to hurt.
The other thing you might do is say hurtful things to bring you down and make you feel horrible about yourself. My recommendation is, of course, within reason, you need to make your judgment on this. But give him that time to vent for a few minutes within reason. Maybe even listen to some of that feedback. But assure him that it’s over.
5. Make Yourself Busy
Move on in your life and redefine outside of relationships. Often, when you leave a relationship, you feel that urge to jump right into the next relationship. You want to have that type of relationship with the following person you meet. Because that’s what’s comfortable for you, being single is uncomfortable.
But I urge you to take some time to develop yourself instead of doing that. Honestly, it sounds cheesy. But get to know yourself a little bit. Find a new hobby in your life. Reconnect with some old friends you haven’t talked to in a while. Rediscover what makes you happy before jumping right back into the dating scene.
6. Be Financially Independent
Make sure once you guys are no longer together, your life will not drastically change, and what I mean by this is, change financially. Your life will change when you decide to no longer be with someone. But make sure you are still able to live comfortably.
I’m not saying to stay with someone purely for financial gain. As I said earlier, women tend to remain long after knowing the relationship is over once you get that clue. Because we always know when things are going to work out.
We want to give people a chance, a chance after chance. Once you know, you need to start preparing financially to be independent and still live comfortably because that is probably one of the biggest reasons women stay in toxic situations. They don’t want to be economically unstable in any way, shape, or form. Am I encouraging you to stay in a relationship for financial gain? It’s toxic.
If it is toxic and completely unhealthy, get out of it. Go back to your parents’ house and figure it out. I’m talking in general. When we see that things aren’t working, we’re not necessarily on the same page, and we don’t necessarily want the same things in life.
We still believe that they might change. You’re not going to change. But we as women need to start preparing to be financially independent to live comfortably even.
7. Don’t Blame Yourself
Make a list of all the cons about yourselves. They usually say make a pros and cons list. But we don’t need the pros. We don’t need to sit around and think of all the good things about them to make a second guess our decision of why we should still be with them.
That is why it’s the most googled question amongst all the states. We do not need a list of all the great things about him. Because if he was that great, Why aren’t you happy? His negativity and bad behavior are some of the big reasons for this breakup. So, after the breakup, you need to focus his negativity on forgetting him quickly.
8. Build A Support Team
Make sure you have a support system. It is crucial in all aspects of your life, in all aspects of success. Often, we get into these fantastic relationships. We have that honeymoon period where we want to spend every waking moment with our significant other. But you need not forget about your friends and family and spend less time with them.
You have to nourish those relationships, whether you’re in or out of a relationship because these are the people that help you get through life. Why do so many people have a difficult time or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms? It’s because they do not have a support system. Without a support system, many people fail. Make sure you have your friends and family around to support you through everything.
9. Be Confident & Secure Within Yourself
Make sure you’re completely confident and secure about your decision to break up with this person. Make sure you spend that time working on yourself during, before, and after the relationship. I wrote an article about this last week. Because it was Valentine’s Day about self dating and the importance of getting to know yourself and being confident within yourself, having that self-love.
It is crucial to all success assets in your life to make sure you’re spending that time with yourself. Make sure you love yourself because you need to be confident and secure to decide. It could change everything.
10. Don’t Be Spiteful
Do not do anything out of anger or hurt. Because any time you react to something without a clear mind, the actions are always negative. We need to remember that we once loved this person. We once shared intimate and sacred moments with this person, and that love didn’t disappear. The dynamics of the relationship have changed. When they break up, they tend to forget about these moments in that love.
The break-up does not give anyone the power over you to take you out of your character. You remain classy, graceful, elegant, and poised together. It is the definition of emotional maturity, and that person, if they did or didn’t do something to you, will always think of you fondly, will ever second-guess allowing you to getaway.
These are my special tips for breaking up. Do not hesitate if you know in your heart. Do not spend extra time hoping that you will change. He will not change. I’m sharing my dating tips today. I’m going to talk about how to break up with a guy, and there are some things to consider.
11. Select A Specific Time
Think about the time when you break up with someone. Avoid doing it late at night when someone has trouble sleeping. Think about whether someone will be busy and preoccupied at work and whether doing it when they’re not at work is a good time. Also, think about if they’ve got anything important coming up like exams or an important presentation or something important to them.
I don’t say that you need to change your habit or routine. I recommend that you make some changes yourself and avoid the bad habits you do in a relationship. If you change your daily routine, you will make yourself different. You can quickly recover because our brain works better when we change our dull way.
12. Select A Proper Place
If you’ve been going out with someone for a short time, I always recommend not doing this by text. The reason is that so many people complain about being broken up by texting. If you’ve known someone for a few weeks, you can break up with a guy on the phone.
Ensure that you’ve got that time to break up on the phone if you’ve been out for a more extended period. So, up to a few months, I would meet that person face-to-face. It’s polite to think about meeting them face-to-face and planning where you’re going to be. You want to be somewhere where there are no interruptions. Somewhere that’s quiet. Somewhere that’s neutral, not in either one of your houses.
13. Be Honest & Listen to His Feelings
How to break up with someone without hurting them? Think about how the way that you break up with a guy. There are two things I want to say. Think about doing it honestly, and two is giving that person some time to speak, letting them let off steam a bit. In terms of being honest, there are many ways to break up. You might have heard someone say to you, ‘It’s not you. It’s me’ What they’re saying is, it’s you, not me.
So, think about a more honest way. It could be that you talk. You can be frank about the chemistry not being there at this time. It could be about not being compatible. You could talk about not sharing the same vision for the future.
Secondly, even though you might not be able to change your mind about breaking up with them, allow them some time to speak. Not all guys may need this, but some guys will. It means that they will have a chance to express how they’re feeling, and it would be easier for them to move on from that breakup. Three things to think about when you break up with a guy. One is when you do it, the place, and three is how you do it. That’s how to break up with a guy.
14. Give Him Space
Blame your breakup because you don’t feel it for him anymore. It is crucial. If you give him something that he can fix, if you tell him that he’s acting like an idiot, he can fix that.
If you say to him that he’s too much of this, or too much of that, or too little of this, or too little of that, he can fix those things. He can change those things. If you’re didn’t go and do this, you, he’ll go and do that.
If you want to break up with them and want it to work, make sure you don’t give him chances to return to you. You do not give him ways to fix what you’re breaking up with him. The way to do that is by saying that you don’t feel it for him anymore. Because there’s no way for him to fix how you think, there is nothing he can do to fix it.
15. Block All Communications
Disconnect from him entirely and block all communications from him. Unfriend him from social media and do anything else that you need to do. Disconnect from him. You have to do this for at least a couple of months until he’s lost his will to come back to you, which sometimes could happen to take a long time.
At least a couple of months is best. People have withdrawal symptoms after a breakup. They want to reconnect. You may even want to reconnect. The best way to make sure is to cut off all communications and block his number. You must do all this work.
16. Pursue Your Passions
Build up your own life and have things to do. You don’t get lonely and end up going back to him. One of the challenges with relationships is when people give themselves to a relationship. they don’t have things going on outside. If you don’t have something to go to, you’ll end up getting lonely and going back to what was comfortable and what felt better.
So, pursue your passions. Hang out with friends, express yourself, and have something that you can go outside the relationship. You can build up your sense of self and make sure that you don’t end up going back to your ex-boyfriend, whom you will be breaking up with soon.
17. Clarify The Story
I want to put on the table for you to consider is that when you’re breaking up with somebody, break up from a place of clarity rather than the trigger. So what I mean by that is, I see a lot of folks that break up from a place of being incredibly angry at the other person.
They’re highly emotional. They’ve got to a place where they have felt like they’re in a gridlock emotionally. The only option they have is to break up with a person. Now, that’s going to happen at points.
However, what I see is that those breakups typically don’t stick. The reason is that when you break up from an incredibly emotional place, those emotions tend to pass. You’re left with sadness. Perhaps more clear thinking may halo affect the person. You regret how you showed up in the breakup, and you think it was probably hurtful. It was not productive.
It was not respectful, and then there is a drive to want to go back in and repair things. You’re still friends with a person, and you can end up getting sucked into the cycle. When I say breakup from a charity, don’t break up from an angry or highly emotional territory.
Do your best to get to a place of clarity and sobriety with the breaking up. Because when you break up from a place of logic when you break up from a place of being clear-minded.
You are within yourself having a clear mind and knowing even if it’s a gut intuition that this person’s not right for you, and you’re able to approach it in that manner. You have far fewer chances of going back on that decision. Because you were ashamed of how you showed up, break your relationship from clarity rather than triggering emotion.
18. Write Breakup Notes
I had a friend recently going through a breakup that had gotten back together with his ex multiple times, and finally, they were going to pull the plug completely. There had been doubting around whether or not they were going to get back together again. Because the emotions after the breakup can be so intense, they can be overwhelming. It’s like getting hit by a wave and then sucked right back out to sea.
So one of the things that you can do to help you find a solid footing in this confusing situation is to write a letter to yourself before you break up with the person. The message that you’re writing to yourself is one in which you outline all of the emotions you’re feeling currently, all of the brutally honest points about why you guys are incompatible. Why does this have to stop?
Why is there a new dynamic you want to create, and why is it impossible to make it with this person? You’re writing this to your future self, and you can either write it, record it on audio, or even record a video.
You can capture the full sensory experience while you are in a place of exact knowledge that it is time to break up with this person. Like in the previous one, if you break up with somebody out of emotion. and that emotion suddenly like dissipates later on you may find that
your clarity before you break up with the person.
19. Build A Supportive Network
It could be family, friends, and people that have been there next to you during this relationship saga who can be in your corner to encourage you. Perhaps they remember what was wrong in the relationship that can help assert your decision to walk away.
Several years ago, when I was exiting a relationship with a woman. I needed to get back into it and help ground me. In reality, many things were dysfunctional and wrong. There was a lot of incompatibility with us that was not jiving between us.
You have the support group there: people outside who are sober and have your best interest in mind. It can reflect your brilliance, light, ability, and desire to create what you want is paramount to making a healthy decision. Move on powerfully, something that I also want to mention tune. It is a point that I miss. I want to nail this down frequently after a breakup.
We go through this exciting loop. It’s almost like a figure eight where we make the person guilty, the person we’re breaking up with guilty. We’re making ourselves innocent. Then we switch over, and we start making ourselves guilty and the innocent. If they were different, this could have worked if they didn’t do that. This could have worked.
If they changed, this would work, so that’s making them guilty and making yourself innocent. You can see that you end up flip-flopping between guilt and innocence repeatedly, which can have you lose your footing. So clarity is rather than blaming the other person for what’s happening.
20. Understand The Relationship Properly
Make plans immediately to move out, whether it’s into a fronts house, your parents’ house, or lease another spot for the time being. I can tell you from personal experience the terrible breakup that I went through many years back. I lived with my girlfriend at the time and what ended up happening was we found ourselves consoling each other. When we were in these vulnerable states, everything was so confusing.
We felt like both of us were walking over broken glass and trying to help each other, ripping open the wounds of our hearts. We were already in a pattern of wanting to help each other because we deeply loved each other and cared about each other’s well-being.
But it wasn’t an appropriate and safe place to support each other. We needed to be on our own and reach out to our networks to find a sense of safety and identity. Getting space will also help build a support network to help you rather than rely on your partner to console you through the breakup.
21. Take Care Of Your Mental Health
We go through a breakup, and many things happen to our minds. We don’t quite realize the things that we’re taking for granted about the person until we no longer have them so physical touch.
We might have with the person going to bed next to a warm body at night to have even subtle and benign conversations about life with one another. We don’t realize the significance and importance of that until it’s gone. There’s this space, this vacuum that’s created.
So when if we’re feeling like we’re missing the person and wanting them back, the invitation here is to separate the person of who they are from the need you wish to have met. So it might if you’re missing their touch. What I would recommend is that maybe you’re missing physical contact. So that would be an invitation to get a message to perhaps go to therapy.
You are missing deep conversation and the ability to share your day or more in-depth thoughts with somebody. It might mean reaching out to friends or having a regularly scheduled phone call with friends or family members every day. It might mean going to therapy twice a week or getting coaching several times to help you through this state of instability that can begin to help your identity. So there’s so much instability that happens with a breakup.
22. Just Move On
What we’re talking about here now? The level of context rather than content. When I talk about the context, we’re looking at the question of why this is happening now. Suppose you are going through this breakup and feel that okay, this is happening because this is essentially a massive relationship failure. It is a failure on my part. Or I don’t know how to pick people correctly, or I’m never going to find them.
I find love again, and I’m going to end up having to be alone. These contexts create certain behaviors and ways of thinking and behaving during the breakup. Have you felt incredibly disempowered? They’re going to have you focused on the negative. They’re going to have you carrying much more emotional and psychological baggage than you need to through this transition.
So a way that I want to invite you to look at this. Longer relationships are indeed completely more successful than shorter relationships. It’s time to move on because both of you have outgrown each other.
23. Give Yourself Time To Mourn
I see folks who will get out of one relationship and immediately jump back into another. Often, that is because they’re not in love with the other person. But because they cannot handle the feelings that come with being alone. The fire and the cold water that comes with confronting yourself in the vacuum of being single.
Your ability, tolerance, and flexibility to be present in the face of being with yourself are directly proportional to your power to create the type of love you want. Be with the feelings that come with honoring the truth of walking away from somebody and allowing it to be entirely right. So give yourself time to mourn that relationship fully where you are with yourself.
24. Be Straightforward Girl
It’s important to be straightforward because there’s no easy way to do this. Face it, and it hurts. Don’t meet him and start all this other talk. There’s no easy way for me to do this, and it hurts me knowing that I’m hurting you.
I need to end this relationship, and that’s what you say, and then he’s going to do one of many things. He might beg you to stay. The problem with this is that if he’s already begging you to visit and trying to convince you, someone shouldn’t have to beg you or persuade you to stay in a relationship.
There have been problems. That’s where you’re breaking up with him. You get a lot of thought. It’s not an easy thing to do. Begging and trying to convince you is going to make you doubt yourself.
25. Empathize With Him
They might get angry, and anger is a mask for something more profound. It’s a mask for pain. Everybody can control their responses. Once they’re getting dumped, it’s pretty painful,l and it knocks the ego. So stay calm if he’s getting angry and only remember secondary mode emotion unless he does something violent.
Let him excel a little bit of that emotion, and the next thing that could happen is he can get sorrowful. You’re getting dumped, or he’s getting left. You can get sad. He’s going to get unfortunate, and in this case, I recommend being empathetic to validate him.
Validation means giving value. To provide value to his feelings, say like- “This is hard for you, and I’m sorry it’s not what I know. It’s not what you wanted to hear, and I’m sorry that I hurt you.” that’s all you can do is to validate and empathize with him.
26. Don’t Try To Change Him
They might promise to change, and I have a real problem with this because you probably ask them about this behavior many times. They’re not going to change. You’ve already discussed it and brought it to his attention. You’re promising to change because somebody doesn’t like something is impossible. People can’t change that easily as adults.
It is tough to create permanent behavior change that, by the way, is what I teach my bridge to love programming doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It’s that some of your behavior may not be serving you.
Maybe he needs to go through some therapy some counseling. Perhaps he needs to get a coach, but if you’ve already discussed why you’re breaking up with him there, then I wouldn’t recommend making any changes. Because he says he’s going to change, and that happens.
27. Don’t Be Afraid
Don’t have ten different reasons for the break-up. one of the mistakes we fall into is we feel like we have to stack our case for why the break-up has to happen.
So we end up muddying some of our more substantial issues, some of our stronger arguments, and when you give someone a bunch of opinions. Some of them are strong, and some of them are weak from statements in the past. What does someone focus on? They start focusing on the invalid arguments in your case and use them to justify.
Why is your decision the wrong one? What you need to do before you have that conversation is essentially distill it down to your fundamental reason for doing this. What’s your real reason for needing to be out of the relationship? When you’ve got your most robust case, that’s the one you need to go with and stick to it. You may, during the conversation, need to be repetitive.
Don’t think you need to develop new arguments because somebody keeps talking to you about it and keeps prying. Don’t be afraid of stating it multiple times if you know your reason. If it’s repetitive and boring, at least it’s the real reason you’re not searching for other reasons to bolster your case.
28. Don’t Be Rough
If you want to break up with your boyfriend without hurting him, you must be a polite girl. You don’t want to go into this trying to attack the person for what they’re going wrong. You are already potentially breaking their heart. They don’t need a whole bunch of complexes and insecurities on top of it. Don’t let it turn into an argument, and understand that they might turn it into a fight.
They might try and make this something antagonistic so that they can feel better about it. If they don’t take the bait, be kind to understand that they’re angry and perhaps the other way around. You would be angry and hurt too, or your hurt would manifest itself as anger and understand that’s their position right now.
29. Don’t Be Confused
Do not try to be very good and be the hero in the situation. Our narcissism and ego often try to break up with someone and be the saint in the Scituate situation. That is also trying to be the right person in the position. We still want to be liked even when we’re breaking up with someone, and that’s not fair because to be desired, you will start saying things that perhaps are disingenuous.
You’ll start giving someone hope where there is none, and you’ll make the other person feel worse in the long term because all you’re doing is trying to stay connected to them through this thing that, in reality, creates a disconnect.
You have to allow a disconnect instead of trying to break up with them. You have them love you and want you as much as they always have. That’s not fair to the other person. That’s your ego talking when you try and do that.
30. Stay Firm & Motivate
Stay firm and remember your reasons after the break-up; first, something is likely to happen. They will come back to you, wanting you back, and say things that play with your emotions. They may not be consciously trying to play games with you. But they will say something that tugs at your heartstrings in those moments. It’s essential to go back to your reasons for why you did it.
Now I’m not talking about going back to all those weak arguments about why you did it. Because if you do that, you’ll start to lose yourself because you’ll begin to defeat your discussions. You’ll I said that, but maybe that’s not such a problem.
I said it was because I wanted more time, but maybe Iperhapst needs more time. Or perhaps it wasn’t about the time after all. You’ll start defeating your arguments. When you remember your reasons for doing this, don’t go back to your weaker argumenideasckGoo those distilled reasons.
Why do you have to do it? What were the reasons? It was important because you get lonely when you move away from someone. You’re on your own, and the temptation will be to go back to comfort. With the relationship amnesia that happens after a breakup, you start to forget about the wrong and why you left. You begin to amplify the good and things you loved about the relationship.
The relationship becomes disproportionately sentimental, and you start wondering why you went in the first place. It is why I always encourage writing down your fundamental reasons in a place where you can always come back to them so that if you need to remind yourself.
Why it was important for you to do at one stage or another, or at the time of the break-up, you can go back to those reasons and remind yourself of your logic at the time.
I need you to remember that a failed relationship doesn’t mean that you’re a failure or that the relationship didn’t mean anything. it could have meant a lot, but it wasn’t the right fit. Not all relationships are meant to last forever, and that’s 100 percent excellent.
Read More: 25 Signs He Loves You Deeply & Secretly