Are you starting a long-distance relationship? Are you tense about how to maintain a long-distance relationship with your partner? In this article, you will learn some essential tips to make your long-distance relationship significant, and they’re all based on psychological science.
So if you’re currently in a long-distance relationship or thinking about that possibility, this advice for you, then don’t go anywhere because we’re starting right now.
I’m a psychologist and a relationship coach. This website is all about helping you build great relationships. So you can grow happy with the people you love.
Starting A Long-Distance Relationship
I get a lot of questions about long-distance relationships. What are the secrets to having a great long-distance relationship? So I thought I would do an article specifically dedicated to all of you beautiful people who are either in a long-distance relationship or on the edges on the periphery of a long-distance relationship.
I’m going to give you a little bit of a back end of the story, and I thought I’d let you guys know that I’m in a long-distance relationship. So I’ve got some very fresh advice in my head. My partner and I were in a nearly three-year relationship ultimately and long-distance.
Types Of Long Distance Relationship
There are two types of long-distance relationships.
1. First, some relationships start traditionally, and then one partner has to relocate temporarily. The relationship has a period where it becomes long-distance.
2. The second type is a relationship that starts as a long-distance relationship from the beginning. Now the first one is easy to understand, but what about the long-distance relationship that starts that way. Why do couples do it well, but when you meet someone whose presence changes your life.
Someone you feel so connected to physically and emotionally, and spiritually. You won’t even consider not trying to make it work somehow, the feeling is rare and urgent. You’re willing to do whatever it takes to make. It works so if you’re in either of these situations.
20 Long Distance Relationship Tips
Is there any resistance to real intimacy and deep relationships? There are lots of scenarios where long-distance relationships happen. Because one of you is in the military or one of you goes to school or gets transferred with a job, it ends up separating you.
There are 20 big secrets that I want to talk about today for a long-distance relationship. Let’s start our relationship seminar!
1. Engage Your Mind
Believe in your relationship, unlike with traditional relationships. Couples in long-distance relationships aren’t deal with family and friends who believe that trying long-distance is crazy.
They have a point relationships are hard enough even without dealing with all the disadvantages of long-distance such as missing the other person or lack of physical contact and expensive traveling to see one another. But when couples engage in their relationship, they report that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.
For Example, a study from Cornell University published in 2013 found that couples and long-distance relationships feel more intimate with their partners than those who live in the same area. They value what little time they have together during visits and even over the phone.
So much that they optimize those moments emotionally, long-distance lovers were more accepting of their behavior and felt more committed to each other. In that sense being in a long-distance relationship can create feelings of relationship security because it’s evident that you are both willing to make it work.
So you have to engage your mind in your relationship and believe that you are so fortunate to have found such a fantastic partner.
2. Maintain Quality Conversation
Many couples think that they need to compensate for the distance by communicating. So they engage at the moment to moment texting all day long, but when you do that, it makes it more challenging to enjoy your days. Because you always wish you could be together.
Your conversations will start to get a little boring, making things worse instead of focusing on intentional quality communications where you invest in the conversation.
It will create stronger bonds between you both. So if you have daily bedtime conversations, for instance, give a little thought beforehand to essential parts of your day to talk about that can help you.
According to a 2013 study published in the Journal of communication – People in long-distance relationships were more likely to share meaningful thoughts and feelings with their partners than those who were not.
The study found that long-distance relationships often have stronger bonds from more in-depth communication than normal relationships. So if you try harder to stay connected and to communicate your affection and intimacy, your efforts will undoubtedly pay off in the form of stronger bonds. It’s one of the best relationship advice from me.
3. Long Term Plan
Long-distance relationships are much more satisfying and less stressful when they are understood by each other. It is much easier to keep your eyes on the prize and more accessible to work together to get through the tough times.
So if you’re going to do a long-distance relationship, then you have an end in mind. Because without a plan, there’s no end in sight. If neither of you could see yourself living together in the future, then the relationship has an expiration date from the start.
You should have an end in mind, like what we want to achieve at the end of the day. How long are we going to be apart? What about the future? These are questions that you two need to ask yourselves. So talk about it, make sure you’re on the same page, and plan for it.
That’s what university students do, and these relationships work because there’s an end date in mind upon graduating. They know that they will be together and if, for whatever reason, you can’t ever be living together.
What’s the point of the relationship? If there isn’t a foreseeable date when the two of you could be living together or close together, then you’re going to have considerable problems in the relationship with no end in sight.
4. Know Each Other
Know each other schedules like different time zones, work schedules, and sleep preferences. It can make communicating and staying connected much more challenging. That’s why knowing each other’s plans is essential. It’s helpful to know when the other person is busy and when he is free so that you can drop a text or make a call at the right time.
You don’t want to disturb your partner when he or she is in the middle of class or halfway through a business meeting.
So try to know the small and big events taking place in each other’s lives, such as introductory meetings or school exams and job interviews. It also gives you another opportunity to support and encourage each other.
5. Do Surprise Plan
Everybody likes surprises and memorable moments in life. After all the waiting, yearning, and abstinence, it can highlight every long-distance relationship.
You finally get to meet each other to fulfill all the little things like kissing and holding hands. These are things that other couples often take for granted, but they can be exceptional and extra intimate for people in long-distance relationships.
It’ll be like fireworks, and don’t worry about trying to over-plan your time together. Many people fear that they must always do something extra special and make every moment count. But also make sure that you allow yourself some downtime and breathing room because these are the times our best to build intimacy.
So visit as often as possible and make plans as soon as possible to give you some sweet and memorable moments.
6. Be Patience
Be patient in your long-distance relationship. It’s hard to remember that your partner has a whole other life that you don’t quite understand, especially initially. They have a job, social life, and family needs that take up their time, and as much as you’d like to spend hours on the phone with each other.
They’ve got to be on time to work. So patience is vital in these situations, you miss your partner and are eager to see them and talk to them. But that ache is precisely what fuels a desire and passion in the relationship. Sometimes that may mean not talking for a day, but when you do, then you’ll find it’s worth it.
You’re living far apart when you’re in a long-distance relationship. You will not verify what the other person is doing, which isn’t an option. So you’ve got to take a leap of faith and trust your partner.
So set rules and boundaries, discuss everything that might come up and plan to deal with it. Talk about situations that could arise, discuss them, and agree upon how you should handle them.
7. Self Independence
You can’t spend 24/7 face timing and Skype calls, which can be lonely. But you can use that loneliness to motivate you to get stuff done and focus on your goals. At the same time, you’re doing that, and you’re becoming a healthier and more confident person.
Focus on the big picture and do things that will benefit you and the relationship in the long run. So pick up some hobbies and keep plans with your friends and family.
Many people tend to lose themselves in relationships, and they start doing everything their partner does. They change themselves for their partner to like them. Now it’s your chance to truly get to know yourself the real you and develop the self-love that will ensure that your relationship is healthy.
8. Do Things Together
Do things together when you’re apart. One of the best ways to stay close in a long-distance relationship is to have an activity that you both do together while you’re apart and modern technologies such as FaceTime in WhatsApp and video chat.
Allow people to stay connected in ways that we’re never possible before. So take advantage of these fantastic technologies and do things together when you’re apart.
For Example, you could stream and watch a TV show together while you’re separate, or you can play online or mobile games together or against one another. It may require some creativity, but it’s so worth it. It creates shared experiences even though you’re apart, and you’re going to feel a lot more connected.
9. Surprise Communication
How might you do this well if you’re always communicating by WhatsApp or Skype? Even sending an email will be more potent if you’re like it a lot of the time. We don’t email because we think we have to write an essay, but it creates a different feeling.
Also, it creates an emotional spark, like writing letters. Writing a letter is another good one, but it’s a little more complicated than an email. Once in a while, writing a letter is sexy and will surprise your partner and make them feel unique.
It has your handwriting on the page! Your real touch has met with the page that is now meeting with their communication when they hold the romantic page.
Please don’t lose its presence! If you can send a gift to their house, that’s also exciting and sexy. Even taking pictures during your day and sending them pictures to have pictures of you.
You’re not always ending up talking to them at the end of the night or first thing in the morning. But instead, you’re letting them interact with your day, and showing them a montage of your day is a lovely thing to do. So create unexpected moments in your communication with them.
10. Develop Your Senses
Develop your other senses. A blind person develops heightened senses in other areas because they don’t have sight. So now everything else becomes strengthened the same can be true of you in your long-distance relationship.
You can’t be standing next to someone. You can’t touch them and caress them. You can’t have sex with them and can’t kiss them. You can’t have all those intimate moments, but you can develop the other senses.
For Example, the level of communication and connection you have. How well do you get to know each other? How well do you get reading each other? You might develop the more essential parts of your relationship with someone. There are plenty of people in a relationship who watch movies and have sex.
They eat together and hold hands. How well do they know each other? Many times couples who spend all their time together get on the phone when they’re apart, and they have nothing to talk about, they realize. They have no connection!
Maybe one of your senses is down, but the other ones can get better at this moment. So take advantage of that and frame that positively because it can be a positive thing.
11. Team Mindset
We can deal with any obstacle that comes our way, and we are more significant than anything that could come our way. There isn’t anything more substantial than us, and there’s no problem or obstacle bigger than us. As a couple, we can deal with whatever comes our way. You have that instinct in your mind.
Now, you want to make sure that your partner feels the same right. It’s worth having that conversation look, here’s how I think about you. I feel optimistic about you.
I’m willing to go through the difficult moments to do this with you. I feel so intensely for you. I want to know that you think the same that you’re on the same page.
I wouldn’t want to do all of that. If you’re not there with me, that’s a very legitimate conversation. It’s important because you don’t want to invest all of this in a long-distance relationship if your partner isn’t there with you. But if you have a stab wish that you and your partner are in the same place in that way, don’t be afraid of what everyone else says.
Everyone else might tell you you should be out, and you should be having fun or doing your own thing. People don’t know your relationship! If you’re in it and it feels right, and this person is important enough to put in the effort, you have to trust in your gut there and go for it.
Even if there are hard times ahead, the two of you have to create some light at the end of the tunnel with one caveat. At the end of the tunnel is the day that you’re going to come together and be together. At the end of the tunnel might be a trip where you’re going to see each other.
There might be days where you’re weak, and he’s healthy. There might be days where he’s soft, and you’re healthy. But that’s why you’re always helping each other up in different moments and acting as a team.
12. A Progression Plan
As human beings, we do much better when we know that we’re moving in a particular direction towards a goal or something we want.
If we feel like things are stagnant or not progressing, or worse yet, if they’re decaying or dying, that’s when the stress gets much more significant, that’s when we start to get overwhelmed, that’s when we begin to feel like we’re disconnected.
So what’s a progression plan in a relationship? A progression plan is a program for you to be together again is? Or at least what’s the plan for you to have a plan?
By when will you know? When will you have more information about when you can be together again? Getting to those benchmarks, giving yourself a goal to say, “Okay, I’m going to sustain the relationship over thousands of miles,” or at least long-distance, whatever that looks like for you.
You have a progression plan that will use how you’re wired up as a human being to give you energy, creativity, insight, motivation, and momentum. Then create that relationship and make it stronger until you get to that next moment when you’re finally able to be together.
13. Consistent Connection
I travel for work sometimes, and one of my favorite things to do is Facetime with my wife and daughter. It’s way better to establish a connection than what we had ten years ago even talked with a phone.
So if you can do Facetime, if you have that ability to communicate, not over the phone, but face to face. It’s going to engage the connection.
Also, several times throughout the day, have text messages going on throughout the day and connect. Then the last example of a consistent connection is to honor the relationship. The same way you would if you lived in the same house, in the same town, by having consistent date nights.
So one of the things that my wife, when we were dating, would do is have date nights. Friday night would come, and our date night was to watch a movie together. We’d decide what movie was wanted to watch, and we would go and rent the film. It was in the old days.
You had to go and rent the movie. We would go to the store, rent the film, bring it back, put it into the player, eat popcorn, have our drink. I’d be at home on my couch, and she would be at home on her couch. You know, I’d have a little headset on and the phone or whatever, and we would say, “Okay, press Play.
Ready, set, go!” and we’d both press Play at the same time, and we would watch the movie over the phone together. So she’d be watching the movie, I’d be watching the movie. Then we’d comment about the film and laugh together and hear each other together while we were watching the movie.
Even though we were thousands of miles apart, it was a great way that help us connect. So build in things like that for you. What can you and your particular person do together to help create that connection not only weekly for a date night but also daily as well?
14. Give Priority
Do the unexpected. It helps when you know your partner’s love language. What matters to them most? Is it words of affirmation, or is it quality time together or gifts? Put together with care packages and send it their way if it’s gifted.
Surprise them, show up if it’s quality time. One of the great moves in my relationship was Valentine’s Day, and I told my girlfriend (my wife now). I said, “Hey, let’s do a special Valentine’s Day date night where we’re going to watch a romantic movie, except we’re going to do it differently.
I want you to dress up as if I’m taking you out to Valentine’s Day dinner. I’m going to dress up as if I were taking you out, and we’re going to be at home. but it’s a way that we can make it a little bit more special.”
So I was setting this up on Monday, like Valentine’s Day was on a Friday. So as we got closer to Friday, I said, “Hey, look, I’ve got meetings all day on Friday. So I won’t talk to you until right before our date night.
It starts at 7:00, so like 6:30. I’ll call you.” She said, “Okay, no problem.”
Well, little did she know I got all dressed up, I got on a plane, I flew to her hometown, rented a car, drive, and at 6:30. I called her on the phone from outside of her house, and I said, “Hey, babe, are you ready for our date night?” She said, “Yeah.” I said, “Are you all dressed up like you promised you’d be?”
She goes, “Yeah, I’m all dressed up.” I said, “So am I.” Then I rang the doorbell, and she said, “Hang on.
Someone’s at my door. I’ll be right back.” She came to the door and answered the door, and it was me! I’m like, “Surprise!” She’s like, “Oh my gosh,” and she starts crying.
She’s like, “No way.” Sure enough, her hair was done, her makeup was done, the dress was like bam. She was looking great. I got to take her out on a fantastic Valentine’s Day night.
The great thing is we had already had this way of connecting on Friday nights. Here was a way that I got to delight and surprise her, show her how much she meant to me, and deepen our relationship.
15. Regular Dating
So we saw each other about every three weeks to a month. Sometimes it was or a weekend at a time. We made an effort to make sure that we could see each other quite regularly.
It helped us stay motivated to stay very loved and stay focused on being together. The time we did spend together was terrific. We needed to feel normality and have a bit of downtime with each other pretending.
We like we had a normal relationship and had those nights. We ate shitty food, sat on the couch, watched Netflix, and chilled banging. There are some situations where it’s like across a different country. There’s a distance, and it’s not easy to have a baby.
We’re spending time together is FaceTime and Skype. Finding the time to see them face-to-face and a phone call is great. But if you are in a situation where you can get that eye contact and know the person’s
face and have a conversation like you’re sitting in front of each other, it’s something the same thing.
But the time on FaceTime and stuff like that makes it help to feel like you aren’t so far apart. It’s a lot better than a phone call or merely texting.
So take the time to do that whenever you can as regularly. You can not have to do it every minute of every day but take the time to do it. It’s super-duper essential and a significant problem.
Especially in the first time I’ve done it, the distance was trying to talk too much via text. So when waking up, we would text all day with no break until we went to sleep.
It was unhealthy! We ended up having a bit of a knot altercation, but we ended up having to come back, reevaluate and think, okay, what is going on? Why are we feeling the way? We are at the moment.
Are we getting annoyed with each other? What’s going on? We realized that we were communicating so damn much and never had a chill. We never had a break, and it was a constant line of communication all the time.
We were going insane, and it was too much, and we had nothing to talk about on the phone at the end of the day. It wasn’t exciting because we were updating each other every minute of what was happening, and that’s not real life all the time either, even when you live together.
You have your different jobs, and you’ve got separate things when you come to the end of the day, and then you talk to each other about your day. We talked to each other regularly, and there was no breaking communication! It was something that was unhealthy for us.
16. Stay Positive
If you’re always negative and feel like shit about it all the time, and you’re making yourself feel like crap. It’s going to reflect on both of you, and it’s not going to be healthy at all.
That’s where you might start to need to evaluate whether or not this is right for you. It’s okay for you to be doing and taking too much out of you. Because long-distance relationships aren’t going to work for everybody.
We were one of the rare two that made it work, and we got through it at the other end. But a lot of people don’t get through. If you think that the distance is going to be something you can’t overcome, and there’s never going to be a solution.
What do you want to be doing for your life? Are you going to wait around for something to change? You need to think about and talk about it with your partner, even if you’re not 100% sure of when it’s going to be. If you have a bit of an idea in mind, and at least you’re talking about it. It might make you feel a little bit better and know that it’s not going to be something that’s going to happen forever.
There is going to be a solution. A massive thing for me, especially this time around, has been making it an opportunity to do the things that I wouldn’t be able to do.
I want to set it out, and it keeps you lively and keeps you going. If you’ve got things that you’re doing for yourself and you’re seizing the moment and making it an opportunity, that’s a positive thing for you. Then it’s going to make you feel positive on the inside. It’s going to be a lot easier to deal with them.
17. Don’t Stalk On Social Media
Do not stalk their social media. You will go insane and mad. I always knew what was going on because I would investigate. It was starting to take over my life, and it was a sick thing for me to be doing.
Because I was like there was no chill ever, and I would always be looking out for something to go wrong like I was scared. I wasn’t there to know what was going more all the time that I had to keep myself updated by stalking social media things.
It was so unhealthy in something like this you have to trust fully. If you can’t trust them, then you’re going to go insane. You’ve to talk to each other and make some guidelines and boundaries for where you both stand.
Suppose you’re a girl who doesn’t like your boyfriend or whoever selects girls’ pictures, making you uncomfortable. It’s such a tiny little thing, but if it bugs you that much, you’re worried about that.
18. Trust Your Lover
An essential thing in a long-distance relationship is trust. I couldn’t have guessed that, but it is so true if you plan to get into a long-distance relationship. You need to know that you can trust this person with your life, and I do mean with your life.
Because if you get into a long-distance relationship and don’t trust the person on the other end hundred percent. It’s not going to go down well, okay, because you’re continually going to be paranoid about where they are and what they’re doing.
You’re going to get bombarded with so many paranoid questions and thoughts that are unnecessary. If you did trust this person, you wouldn’t be getting those in the first place. If you trust the person with your life, then you’re going to find this process so much easier.
19. Give Free Space
Give each other some space, and that’s going to sound confusing right now. By giving each other space is, don’t always message each other.
I should have given him a little more space, and it wasn’t because I didn’t trust him. I felt like it was my duty to message him regularly to see how he was doing!
If he’s okay because I felt like that’s what a girlfriend’s duties are, but now that’s back to it. I should have given a guy some space. He must have been so bored of me seeing the thing.
My relationships still worked out in a year. We were together for four and a half years. So you know we had a great relationship, and this long-distance didn’t bother us.
I would do things a lot differently. Don’t bombard each other with messages and text constantly, and it’s going to be so frickin hard. Because the only thing you’re going to want to do is get home from work or get home from school.
You’re going to want to message or Skype, but if you do it every day, what’s probably going to happen is? It’s going to go downhill from there.
Not necessarily because we did it, and maybe for you, it works differently. But this is from my experience you don’t want to get bored with each other. You don’t want to start being like, and I’m going to try and give each other a bit of space.
20. Be Honest
Without honesty, the relationships wouldn’t work. The long-distance relationships will work until you get back to the country that you’re in. I recommend being completely honest with each other during your long-distance relationship.
If something happens that you feel even slightly guilty about, then it might not even be a big deal. But if you feel guilty about it and it’s bothering you, I recommend coming clean with it. It will 95% make you feel much better.
It will probably hurt them a lot more, but at the end of the day, it will help both of you. You’ll both get hurt, but at least the truth will be out. Honesty is the biggest thing ever. We’re all human, and we all make a mistake. So accept your mistakes and tell your partner about them.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to stay emotionally connected in a long-distance relationship?
At first, you should understand your partner correctly. You can support and help his/her mentally. Don’t interfere or force personal matters. Give your lover freedom and take care properly.
Ask about the daily routine, say what is right for him/her technically. You can send romantic and motivational SMS that keep your boyfriend or girlfriend fresh. Say how much you love and give some quality time every day.
If you can understand your lover’s psychology, you can easily stay emotionally connected with him/her.
Do long-distance relationships work?
It is a common question of every lover. Most of the relationship can not go long because of this hesitation and tension. You can’t guarantee any relationship because it depends on various aspects and situations.
Love is a kind of business that gives you good or bad feelings. It would be best to take this risk because this experience teaches you more and gives you some memorable moments. Life is concise, so don’t think about profit or loss; do it and feel it.
How long do long-distance relationships work?
Well, can you tell me how long you have survived? Nobody can say it! Our life is uncertain, and we don’t know about our future and situation. If you think life is a great drama, forget this question and never expect much. Don’t be greedy or selfish. If you love someone purely, then you have a chance to get someone like you.
I can’t tell you that your long-distance relationship works perfectly and go long. You think you’re caring and honest, and your relationship will go long. Your idea is wrong! Because I observe many long-distance relationships and understand that relationship doesn’t depend on very good or bad things. It’s like an illusion.
So if you’re going to have a long-distance relationship, make sure that you feel the person. You’re doing it because you do feel a genuine connection with this person. This long-distance relationship advice helps you to get it.
I don’t regret any of the long-term, long-distance relationships. I was monogamous in a relationship with someone far away for a long time, and then it didn’t pan out. I still learned so much from that relationship, and I’m always glad that I had that relationship.
So don’t beat yourself up if that relationship happens to end and you turn out to be wrong. Take the lessons you can take from it, learn what you can, and then go into your next relationship. You’ll be healthier, wiser, and more able to love the next person.
Read More: Qualities Of A Good Wife