Daily, I sleep with a fight and wake up to the same. The fight is to keep loving you. And I fight your actions, your words, your ignorance, and your lies. I fight them with my love for you as a shield, a love that is still too pure to let go.
I wish you could realize how heartbreaking it is to defend you against myself for the things that you do to hurt me. I wish you could hear the stupid excuses I make from your side when my friends tell me how bad you are for me. I wish you could see how I torture my soul to forgive you for your sins.
I wish you could see me beg myself to keep you. I wish you could see me sob on my pillow, when I, for a second, decide to let you go. I wish you could hear me slap myself in the shower for having thought wrong about you. I wish you could ever know what I go through daily to keep us together.
You know, I feel disgusted with myself, at times. I feel like spitting at myself in the mirror for killing my self-respect for you, for our love. I used to be such a self-loving person earlier, but now, I don’t think I like myself. My whole existence is reduced to get some love back from your side. I hate myself now. Please, help me. Please get me out of this mess.
I love you, and I love you with all my heart, soul, and every trace of life that resides in me. I don’t want to lose you, as you are too precious a pearl to lose in the wild waves of the sea of life. I am ready to weather this storm. I am ready to wait for you to change. But, I want you to know that I kill myself, daily, to live with you. I want you to know that it pains me a lot when you say such things.
I want you to know that I feel helpless that I can’t just walk off from a person, whom I have made my home. I want you to know that I have cried so many nights because you made me feel unlovable. I want you to know that you break my heart daily.
This letter is just a mirror of your actions and your love. I hope that after reading this, something stirs in your soul. I wish that you would realize that my smiling lips are crying for my sleepless nights. And I pray that you still have some love left for me to hug my broken pieces into one happy soul that I once was. I am not giving up on us yet.